There's a part of me that thinks I should start at the beginning. But, which beginning?
There's a part of me that feels like I should tell people who I am. Then I decided that the only people that read this already know me. At least... sort of know me.
Maybe I'll start somewhere in the middle? I have things to get of my chest. I am pretty blunt, but also very caring and giving. Maybe I'll post recipes. But let's face it, The Pioneer Woman basically has cooking blog on lock. So let's start with things I have to get off my chest.
This is going to be the other side of the cancer story that the husband has been blogging about. If you haven't been reading or you're just finding out.... bastobb.blogspot.com
If you're offended by profanity, please refrain. If you like information, feelings from a guy that don't usually emote and really well written cancer blogs..... that's your guy. Luckily, he's my guy too.
People have been telling me that I'm so strong. His sister came up with the #BStrong idea to get people motivated behind him. Let's see...... from the beginning we've adopted a few others from other people we know too. We have an "army of prayer warriors." We stole that from the beautiful Julie who fought her battle with unmatched grace & faith. Her whole family did. Bryce & I love and cherish that family far more than I've probably ever told them (one of my many character flaws).
"Pray. Fight. Win" I stole that from a total stranger who reached out to me when he was eavesdropping on my conversation at a soccer game. I'm so grateful that he did. He additionally reminded me of Romans 12:12 ~ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
There are probably many other stolen lines, thoughts, sentiments, etc. Truth be told BStrong started after the Boston marathon bombing. But when Kristina came up with it during a morning run, she didn't know that. Therefore, it has been adopted as our own. Everyone has been telling us to stay strong. Rely on our inner strength. I'll get into more of his cancer story another day (clue #1). This brings me back to where I was going....
Strength.
People keep telling me that I'm so strong. Honestly, I'm not. I don't feel strong. Not even a little bit. Ya know that flight or flight thing we all have? Do you know what happens when people have a propensity to be dramatic or "animated?" ok. I'll tell you. That fight or flight thing REALLY kicks in. I happen to be a big fan of flight. HeeeeYOUge fan actually. If I can't physically remove myself from things I don't want to deal with, then I'll just go to sleep. Literally. I will go to bed in order to NOT think about something. WHY?! Because once it's in my brain, I'm NOT sleeping. Insomnia is ugly, people. Just painful & ugly.
That's where Scarlett comes in. I've been "fiddledy dee"ing & "I'll think about it tomorrow"ing my whole way through this. Sure, I've occasionally faced a couple of blows & dealt with the punches with the grace of a 3 year old. But I really don't consider that strength. I mostly put the emotions off till tomorrow & just face the other stuff that has to get done. If denial is strength, then I've got this covered.
Scarlett O'Hara did it too!!!!!! So if she can do it, why can't I? She had a goal in mind. Some guy that never loved her & Tara. Sure..... she was a really crappy friend. Sure, she was spoiled & might have whined a little. She absolutely didn't know that what she needed was right in front of her (until he told her he didn't give a damn), but she had goals! She was getting back to Tara. Come hell or high water!!!!!
In summation...... that's what this blog is supposed to be about. This is my long winded way of saying that I'm going to attempt to face the news like a responsible adult. YES. Bryce has cancer. YES. I used to say "again" & need to just say "Still." And above all else.... He has to win this battle. I also need to have my own voice in the process. If for no other reason, I can stop telling him to blog the news. I'll just do it myself. BWAHHAHAA {Game on, Baby}
That's also not to say that you won't be subjected to random acts of stupid posts about whatever I feel like that day. Or pictures of my boys, because I think that they're amazingly beautiful. And probably the blog equivalent of retwittering a recipe that other people create. I'll try to keep it light. Funny & upbeat. But this is certainly going to be therapeutic. For me, anyways
#BStrong
Pray. Fight. Win.
Rom 12:12
Being you is the best thing you can be. Being you is why so many people love you Jess! We all face problems differently. Steven used to get soo upset with me when he was still in the Marines and we'd only see each other once a month because when it was time to leave each other I'd start cracking jokes. It was my defense mechanism. Once he understood that he realized that I did it not because I was being a winch but because I didn't know how to face emotion very well. And guess what, it's OK! Just like it's OK for you to deal with your emotions how you do. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't doing it right or well. From the outside, you seem to be the strong women I know. From the inside, I KNOW you are. Regardless of how you deal, you deal. For that, you are brave and strong. Bryce is a warrior and he's fortunate to have you by his side. Love you BIG my friend. HUGE!
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