Cuss Words and Throw Up

Cuss words and throw up basically sum up what's been happening for the last 72 hours.

Bryce had scans yesterday.  Today was results day,  For the first time since he started this journey, I didn't go with him to the results appointment.  That is where a lot of my anxiety stemmed from yesterday.  Today, I boldly went into work with the promise that Bryce would video me in via Google Hangouts.  He did as promised.

I wish I could say that he got another few weeks of reprieve, but that isn't the case.  Six weeks ago we went to  Houston for scans.  Actually..... let me back up to his surgery in May.

In May, they did the major surgery that removed the bone that housed the last tumor.  They removed the top portion of his sternum, some of his collar bones and the first couple of ribs that connected to the portion of the sternum that they removed.  When he came out of surgery, we knew that there were two spots on his trachea that showed cancer.  The cancerous cells were marked with little metal pins so that they could watch them and look closely at his scans.  They were microscopic cells.  Cancer has to be a certain size to show up in a CT scan.  These two spots were so small, they did not show up in his pre-surgical scans.  But we knew that they were there.

He healed up and did GREAT!  He has felt better after this surgery than he has in well over a year.  The first scan was clear.  We went on our amazing road trip of a lifetime.  Then he had the scan six weeks ago that had that place that looked a little fishy that was near one of the markers put in during surgery.  So, there was that.  Then, the scan yesterday.  Today was results day.

So we're back in reality.  The fun vacations are done.  I'm at work while he's at the doctor.  Cancer is happening again.  The fishy spot has turned into a grape.  For all of my throwing up yesterday, and cuss words for... OK.... all of the time..... but none of the throwing up or cuss words got him different results.  It's back.  It sucks.  We weren't blindsided, but it still sucks.

Here are the questions we get a lot of:

• What's the prognosis?
• Our doctors don't really give us that anymore.  He's been terminal for a year and a half. They also told him over a year ago that he could be dead by now.  Here's the deal...... We pray.  God has got this.  He's got Bryce.  He's got me.  He's got the boys.
• Radiation or Surgery?
• Radiation will probably cause his heart to explode because his sternum is missing, but his surgeon will talk to his radiation oncologist (Dr. Cronowski).  The surgeon doesn't feel comfortable with surgery because he has that other marker that could grow AND this is kinda too close to the carotid,  They aren't into allluh THAT.
• Next Steps:
• She's looking into STUFF.  However, we've stayed in touch with his oncologist that is here in Austin at Texas Oncology (Dr. Yorio) that has administered the chemo the last two times up here.  This guy's running a clinical trial that has just started that is specific to Bryce's cancer.  Bryce will go see him on Monday.  Meanwhile, Dr. P will talk to Dr. Y & Dr. Jasani (medical oncologist at MD) to see if this is the best way to go.
• So, there's Monday.  That's been covered.
• He also has to "confirm" that he has cancer with a biopsy.  MD is working on getting him an appointment on Wednesday for that.

Basically, things are in motion.  They've been in constant motion.  It's not that we always expect the worst, but we are starting to get used to how it all works.  And trust me..... we're both over it.  And we continue to pray.  Prayer has been key this week.  We invited Pastor Mike and his wife, Rhonda, over here to pray with us.  We had a really good time talking about LOTS of things.  This was also a chance for us to get to know them.

*Don't worry: I told them that I come with a disclaimer*

And here's the deal: we keep praying.  Bryce needed measurable disease to qualify for this chemo.  Now he has it.  Now we pray that it works.  God has big plans for the Stobb family.  Just you wait and see,.....

You'll see..... you'll all see.....

Community

I haven't written in a very long time.  No news is good news, right?  And that's been pretty true for us.  Bryce feels better than he has in a couple of years.  And we've been so busy with me going back to work and him being our stay at home, I just haven't had time.  But honestly, that's not what this is about today.

Today, I want to talk about our community here in Lago Vista.  A year ago when Bryce got the news about only having a year left, he started thinking a lot about the things he wanted to see and do before his time ended.  Then in the Spring, we knew there would be another surgery and that's when the Go Fund Me page was sent out.  He wrote beautifully about our "situation."  One of the things he wanted to see was Bowen playing in a football game.  One of the coaches of the little league team here saw the Go Fund Me and went to the board to get Bowen on the team.  It was an amazing gesture.  So kind.  From people that didn't even know us.  THAT is what Lago Vista does.

Today, I am amazed by the love and support of this community again.  Bowen's football team played in the Super Bowl.  They made it to the championship.  Our team is comprised of 5th and 6th graders.  The opposing team had a giant that had been held back.  Our 10 to 12 year olds played against a one man show today.  He's 13 and I have no idea how he made the weight requirement.  As angry and nervous as it made me as a mother to let him play this kid, it became another mothers worst nightmare today.

Bowen was the 2nd big hit for the giant.  Bowen was knocked so hard, he flew back a couple of yards and the back of his head slammed into the ground.  I watched the color drain from my baby's face.  I couldn't stand it anymore and I went out to the field to talk to him on the sidelines.  Crying, shaking and dealing with a horrible head ache.  But he was on the side lines and the game just got worse.  It got MUCH worse for another mother.  One of our biggest, strongest, fastest kids was hit cruelly out of bounds by the same monster.

Watching him try to get up twice and go back down was awful... just awful.  Seeing this boys mother knelling at his side while our coaches held the boys dad back from getting to the other side was ripping my heart out.  I know how he felt.  I have never wanted to physically injure a 13 year old as badly as I wanted it today.  I wanted to join forces with this dad and get my hands on someone.  ANYONE.  That kid. His parents.  The other coaches that allowed it.  ANY.ONE.  Watching this boy back boarded and sent to the hospital in an ambulance was terrible to see.  I wanted someone else on the other side to feel hurt and pain too.  Is that the Christian thing to do?  No.... I'm only human.  I tried to get over anger by focusing on praying for our teammate and just hugging Bowen while he cried because of his own head.

All of this is to say how amazing this community is.  Our coaches wanted this monster out of the game.  The other coaches said their giant wouldn't play defense anymore.  Our coaches said that it wasn't worth it.  NO trophy is worth what our boys were dealing with.  Luckily, our teammate is ok.  Checked out in the ER with a closed head injury and no spinal injuries. PRAISE GOD!!!!!

Our boys were crying.  Scared for their friend or in physical pain themselves.  Bowen is fine.  Other players are fine.  We didn't win a trophy.  What we DID win was a real sense of community today.  The people here in Lago were amazing.  People from our church that weren't there and were an hour and a half away already knew about things.  They were texting to find out how Bowen was.  I knew that he was fine.  I knew that the prayers were really needed for the boy headed to the ER.  Prayers were lifted up and God delivered this boy safely at home.

Our coaches taught us today and showed the boys by example that winning a trophy "at all costs" isn't the real way to win.  This community has taught us about love.  They have no reason to love us the way they do, but they do.  And it's a true gift.  Anyone that lives here and is a part of this has been a gift to us.  This community loves.  When when we're filled with anger at someone else, they rally together and love each other.  They go to the hospital to visit their teammate to make sure he's ok.

The community here in Lago Vista is unmatched and very much appreciated.
Thank you for letting us in Lago :)

P.S.  Bowen is fine.  My prayers continue for our #82 that was sent to the ER.  I know you're headed home.  I couldn't be happier.  Get well soon, buddy & TAKE IT EASY!!!!!!!