Rainstorms and Rainbows

So many things have happened this year... loss, learning experiences, love, pain, success, etc.
and it's Mid-May

For those that are closest to me, they know that this time of the year is hell.  I go from Bryce's D-Day directly into preparing for Dell Technologies World, which is the biggest event that we pull off at work.  My team specifically hosts the media and analysts at this event, and this all takes place in Las Vegas.  Las Vegas should be everyone's clue as to how big this thing really is.  It consumes your life for the months leading up to it.  Once again, it was a successful event, but that's not necessarily what I'd like to write for this entry.

My Dream Team

Today, I want to write about all of the other things.  About a year ago, I went to my boss and said that I find myself more interested in the event side of my job and would like to move away from admin support for my executives.  Not that I don't LOVE my execs.  I was simply interested in taking my career somewhere else.  A couple of months ago, it was announced that my dreams were going to come true.  Event world.... HERE I COME!  Just in time for the biggest show of the year.

To say that is wasn't tough at times would be a lie.  To say that I might have been really frustrated a time or two would also be a lie.  The best part, however, is how much I learned through this.  My boss believed in me enough to give me an amazing opportunity to grow through this.  My lead was VERY patient with me when I didn't deserve it and fought back at times.  He might have wanted to kill me, but he never let on.  Krissy, my rock, my other half, the apple to my sauce.  There are no words for your ability to put up with me and help me keep my sanity.  The others on this dream team executed their parts perfectly and all deserve huge rounds of applause, too.

Then, just when I think that life can resume its regularly scheduled program, I wake up in agonizing pain.

BRIEF RECAP: I was in a devastating wreck 2 1/2 years ago.  Oddly enough, I never blogged about it, but I have my reasons.  There were many injuries.  One of which, my collar bone was disconnected from my shoulder.  This is not something that can be repaired medically.  Trust me.  I asked.  Every now and then, I'll sleep on it wrong or do something I shouldn't and it will bug me for a few days.

OK. Back to Wednesday morning!  I woke up crying and screaming so bad that my boys were completely freaked out.  They called Kyle to come over, because they didn't know what to do.  HEY!  I didn't know what to do!  I mean, it's 6:00 in the morning.  All anyone wanted was some cereal and a ride to school.  Neither of which I was able to provide that day.  I assumed it would get better.  It definitely did not.  Friday morning, my mother said, "Go to the hospital, child."  Clearly, my pacing the bedroom floor, crying to my ceiling, "Please, stop!" wasn't doing the trick.

GOOD NEWS!!!!  I wasn't having a heart attack.  After an EKG and a few x-rays, they sent me home with serious medications to get me through the pain and a steroid (DUH! STEROID! Why didn't I think of that?!!) to reduce the inflammation and remove the nerve pain.

I can't tell you how much it angers me to miss something because of this pain.  I missed out on singing at church this week.  Do you KNOW how much I love being a part of this worship team?!?!  I had to take a sick day to get to the hospital to figure this out.  Do you KNOW how embarrassed I was to tell work about this?!!

But my message today isn't about feeling sorry for me.  I never, EVER, want my physical ailments to be thought of as a limitation.
I will bust my wide fanny to be my best at this new opportunity that I've been given at work.
I will just lay down for a few minutes after leading worship at church, if I'm hurting.
I will dance and show off my amazing(ly bad) dance moves, regardless of how much I hurt for a couple of days after.
*Please Note: Dancing nor worship were cause for the shoulder flare up*

I will not allow this "thing" to rule my life.  I will not let anything suck joy from my soul.
I will sing.
I will dance.
I will work hard.
I will sit in the stands to watch my boys play games.  And let's face it, fan stands hurt everyone!
None of this defines me.  In the beautiful song that Jo Dee Messina sings, Bring on the Rain.  That's right!!  Bring it!  I chose joy!

God strategically and perfectly placed people in my life to pull me through my messes.  Bryce, who may not be here walking this Earth daily with me anymore, gave two little men who he reared for 9 and 11 years.  He taught them to love their mother.  Granted, it doesn't always happen daily.  At 12 and 14, they don't love and honor me when I say, "Clean your room" or "Do your laundry."  But when their mom was down for the count, they stepped up.  My work team has been beyond understanding of what this past week has been like for me.  Many, MANY, friends and coworkers have reached out to offer support, prayers and sweet messages.  Lastly, my sweet treasure of a man, Kyle.

My dad named it "The Momlet"

Kyle.  This guy has forced me to rest.  He has cared for and catered to me for days now.  Today, Mother's Day, he pulled out ALL the stops.  I woke up to a beautifully crafted omelet.  Then, immediately went to work helping me create a lunch for my mom.  We went to her house to make sure she could step out of her kitchen for a moment.  He hung her new curtains, because my dad is still recovering from surgery.  Afterwards, he came back to my house and immediately fired up the pit to start on ribs for my mother's day dinner.  This man is the sweetest, kindest, most giving man I could have ever dreamed up.  His heart is bigger than anything I've ever seen.

So, I say all of these things to say this:
Don't cry for me, Argentina!

I may not have a mansion and gold, but I am beyond rich.  My heart is so full.  Where Jo Dee Messina sings a pretty song, preacher John Piper truly explains it all in this post.  Here's just a piece of it:

2 Corinthians 4:17 says our "light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory." It doesn't say, "will be followed by an eternal weight of glory" - that would be good enough. That's not what it says. Katergadzomai - Greek for produce, prepare, cause to bring about.  I'll venture this: every millisecond of your pain - from fallen nature or fallen man - every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that suffering.

That's a very controversial statement - and I believe it. So, if anybody says to me that a believer's suffering was meaningless, I'm going to eventually come back and say, "It wasn't meaningless." I don't care if it was cancer or criticism. I don't care if it was slander or sickness - it wasn't meaningless, because 2 Corinthians 4:17 says that my light, momentary, lifelong, total affliction is doing something. It's doing something. It's not meaningless.

Of course, you can't see what it's doing. This is the main unseen thing 2 Corinthians 4:18 is talking about, I think. What's the unseen you're supposed to look at? You're supposed to look at the promise of God in verse 17 that says your pain is doing something for you. You can't see it. You can't feel it. Either you see it with the eyes of faith and believe it, because the text says it, or you lose heart.
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Even if that is difficult or grasp or tough to swallow, HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT?!

Maybe this entire post today is an apology.  I know that many of you have heard me complain. lots.
Complaints about money.  Complaints about my frustrations with kids.  Complaints because I've been so busy lately.  You know what?  Those are all just rainstorms.  We see plenty of those here in Texas.  Today, I see the rainbows.  I am rich!  Through the hardships at work, I have a team that believes in me.  My kids are just being teenagers, but they love me.  My parents are here with me in Lago now and I can love on them even more.  And my precious Kyle, he's always supplying me with rainbows.

I'll finish with this.  My faith allows me to see past the struggles and pain.  I know that today, I didn't just see rainbows.  I see that none of my suffering is meaningless.  It is producing a peculiar glory.... eternal weight of glory.  The best part of today, I didn't see the suffering.  The pain didn't matter.  I saw all of the beautiful things in my life.